weekending

lovin' the snow

It's what everyone talks about around here. This winter has been so dry that all I dream about is waking to a bunch of snow. Well, this morning we woke to 3 inches of fluffy white. I was pretty stoked about it. Of course, Wednesdays are the busiest day of the week. So, when the kids got out of bed, they suited up and headed out into the backyard for a few runs before we had to rush out the door.  We are lucky enough to have a small hill for sledding. Just big enough for small thrills.

Now, I'm just praying that we get a bunch more snow before spring.

on my mind

I've had some things weighing heavy on my heart lately.

A few years ago I had never read a blog.  My friend had one and so I started reading her stuff and then I stumbled upon a whole community of moms out there that I could really relate to.  To be honest, I didn't have a bunch of close friends (just a few) that I could talk with about the environment or wholesome parenting or cooking with organic, local foods.  I felt so isolated.  So, when I found blogging, I was hungry for connection and validation for how I wanted to live and raise my family.





Then about three years ago this February I started my own blog.  I didn't really know what to expect but I was eager for the challenge. I've met so many wonderful people.  I felt connected and the amount of creative inspiration was endless.  I was equally overwhelmed and motivated by all of you.  I ate it all up.



As you may know, the honeymoon phase lasts only so long and I began to feel like blogging was my proverbial ball and chain.  Not that I didn't love to have you all in my life.  I'm an introvert and need my down time really.  In order to really be successful I would have to go 110% at the blog thing or slink away into the shadows?  I realized very quickly that I wasn't going to be a Soulemama.  Or maybe I just don't believe in myself.  I don't know but most of the inspiration I get from the internet are from little bloggers like me, not the bloggers that have a book deal waiting in the wings (No offense meant here. I love Amanda's blog, she's amazing).  But, most blogs I read are the ones written by normal moms that I find something in common with.







I'm also insanely busy.  How can I only put half of my heart into this when I have so many things vying for my time?  (I was just called outside because the boys wanted to show me their volcano they made in the sand.)  Since September when, as a family, we decided to try an on-line school and the work really began.  I just started feeling like I had no room to breathe.  My son has learning disabilities and I've been driving everywhere to get him tested and back and forth to speech therapy.  (Eli just wanted me to get him some new clothes so that he can go back outside to get muddy again. Oh gosh, they just came inside and are in the bath.)  It really never stops.  I have come to really accept that my job as a full time mom is a legitimate endeavor.  I've sometimes fallen into believing that mothers who choose to stay home (me being one, ouch) are not being fulfilled.  Maybe that's because someone very close to me asked why I was wasting my college degree by being a stay home mom.  That was a huge blow but I'm strong and I have strong opinions.  Work is work is work and this staying home business is really important work.  But, I'm straying from the real topic here. Blogging.

There's the part about blogging that makes me feel uneasy like exposing my children to anyone who has a computer.  It's pretty freaky to think about.  It's like inviting total strangers into my home and into my personal thoughts.  I have more than once thought about my creepy neighbors being able to google my name and find my blog.  I wrote about vulnerability a while back and that's what I was really talking about.  I don't like feeling vulnerable like that.  It's when I feel exposed that I want to pull away and quit. 

It's been time to weigh the pros and cons.  Do I continue, sporadically to blog?  Do I just quit altogether?  It happens to the best of us.  I started thinking about how challenging writing is for me.  I'm not a writer although I can write a sentence.  Being able to write a sentence does not make one a writer!  Do I take amazing pictures?  I like them.  Is my life inspiring?  Should I really care whether someone likes what I write or the pictures I take?  I don't think so.  But, it's sure nice to be loved.  I'm feeling very exposed right now.

Just when I think this is the end, I'll find my daughter on her computer looking through old posts of mine.  I think, "I can't stop documenting my mundane, real life here."  Which brings me to the real reason why I should be blogging. It's not only for my kids but it's for me.  I want to challenge myself.  I like being able to write my thoughts down and send them out into the universe.  No matter who may be looking.  This has felt good to get out.  I think what it boils down to is balance.  Like for instance, making sad looking, out of season, conventional chocolate dipped strawberries for valentines day.  Balance.

Love to you all!

sunny winter

It's been a while, I know.  There's been so much to say and not much at all really.  When I'm asked what I've been up to, most days it's just nothing really but the every day stuff, you know?  Our computer died back a few weeks ago though and we replaced it with a used job.  That's the main reason I've taken a break. But, it's taken us this much time to put all our programs back on the computer.  And still more time again to sit down and want to upload pictures and write something down.  So, here I am again.  At least for today.

I'm pretty sure I love taking pictures of the kids doing art.  Some in their pajamas and some not.  We homeschool after all.  It's quiet in the house.  The only sounds I can hear are the washing machine and dryer clanking and swishing down the hall and the kids intently working with paint.  The chairs creak and the paint brushes flow from paint to paper to water and back again quietly.....peacefully.  Our kitchen table is the hub for so much of our activities.  It's really the heart of our home.  But our home is pretty small.  Just the way I like it.  If I had a million bucks, I would still have a little place, all cozy and intimate.

The glob paint we're using today smells delicious:  berries, pomegranate and lemon verbena.  The colors are pretty awesome too.

Happy sunny, I think it's winter day to you!

Hello 2012, It's Me

If you're reading this, you've also made it through the holidays.  (Insert the deep breath here).   I feel like this time of year I'm teetering on the edge, ready to fly.  Sometimes it feels like I'm coming out of a dream into the light.  The new year always holds so many possibilities for me.  It's as if I can start fresh about the way I think of myself and the world.  Nothing can stop me from doing the things I want to do.  No self doubt.  No boundaries.

The kids wanted to roast marshmallows in the backyard last night.  As we stood around the warmth, we talked about what we wanted for 2012.  Jonathan wants to go on a road trip to see Bryce Canyon.  I want to get the kiln we've had in our garage working.

Other than the things we want to do, I think about what I want for myself personally.  I hope this year I can love everything about myself more fully.  The good and bad. I want to live simpler, purging all the old things that don't serve me well.  I would like to continue to be with people that are uplifting and positive and open to becoming better versions of themselves.

I want to bake more.  The banana bread aroma coming from the oven right now is heavenly.  

Wishing you all a wonderful year in 2012.  May we all become a bit wiser in the coming year and enjoy every moment as much as humanly possible!